Ready for War!
A Q&A With the Night King from Game of Thrones
by Chris Gelbach
I recently was granted the rare opportunity to conduct a one-on-one interview with The Night King from Game of Thrones. Following is the complete, unedited transcript of that conversation.
Chris Gelbach: Night King, thank you for joining me today. I know you don’t give many interviews, so this is truly an honor. We never really hear you talk on the show. Why is that?
Night King: Probably for the same reason I rarely give interviews. I’ve got a very high, squeaky voice and I’m incredibly self-conscious about it.
CG: Game of Thrones viewers know you as the dead-serious leader of the army of the dead. But what do you do in your free time?
NK: Honestly, my job is very demanding. When I do get a moment to myself, I like to put on a full set of jammies, relax, and just be Kevin.
CG: Wait, your name’s Kevin?
NK: Yes. The Night King is more like a title.
CG: And you like to wear full pajamas? Does that mean nightcap and all?
NK: Absolutely. A sturdy nightcap is critical. My skull’s bony crown-like protrusions will tear a typical pillow apart. Before I got a nightcap, I’d wake up every morning with a face full of feathers.
CG: Makes sense. What motivates a king of the undead like you to get up in the morning anyway?
NK: Um, three cups of ice cold coffee! [laughter] I’m just a really cranky guy when I wake up. I never feel truly evil until that caffeine kicks in.
CG: People have a lot of questions about this past season. Where did you get those giant chains to drag Viserion’s body up out of the water? It doesn’t seem like something you’d just have around.
NK: That’s true. We didn’t. We actually filmed a whole scene where I had the two undead wildling giants go to Home Depot to pick up those chains. It’s unfortunate that that scene got left on the cutting room floor. Sometimes I feel like we sacrificed narrative clarity this season in the interest of moving the story forward faster.
Same thing with when we had Jon Snow and his crew surrounded. We stood there motionless for 22 days before the Hound hurled that rock at us, but they made it look like an afternoon or something. I think it made more sense the original way.
CG: Speaking of your undead minions, which one is your favorite?
NK: It’s so hard to say, because they all contribute to the army of the dead in such different and important ways. No one is more ferocious than Dead Polar Bear. My guys wouldn’t have that pep in their step if it weren’t for Dwight the Wight and his fantastic sense of humor. And Viserion is obviously the biggest difference-maker from a military perspective.
CG: What is his deal, anyway? Is that blue stuff he spews fire or ice or what?
NK: Golly, I wish I knew. When I was flying on him and we approached the wall, I wish I could’ve said something neat to Viserion like “Bring the fire!” But I didn’t know if that was accurate, so I just panicked and said, “Show us what your mouth can do!” And then he hit the wall with a lot of blue stuff and paused. I thought maybe he was done, but I wanted him to keep going so I just said, “Show us what your mouth can do!” again. It was an awkward moment, but it worked. He spewed more blue stuff and the whole wall fell down.
I did not see that coming. I thought he’d destroy part of the wall, at best. I assumed we’d have to go to Home Depot again for more supplies to help yank the rest of it down. But he took out the whole darned thing.
CG: How were you able to get him to join your team in the first place? How did you learn to throw a javelin like that?
NK: Lucky throw I guess. Actually, I’m being too modest. I did track and field in high school. I got a JV letter in javelin but stopped doing it because it made my shoulder hurt. It also seemed like a complete waste of time with no practical application to the real world. Guess I was wrong, huh?
CG: Speaking of military skills, what do you see as the key to being such an effective leader?
NK: Leadership is never easy, especially when you’re trying to motivate a team whose default state is eternal slumber. But I’ve been able to make it work, despite the challenges that come with having an all-volunteer army.
CG: Volunteer? The army of the dead is there of their own free will?
NK: No, no. I mean volunteer more in the sense that I don’t pay anybody. They definitely don’t want to be there. Which makes strong leadership even more important. I don’t want to get into too many details, since I have a new book on leadership coming out called How to Micromanage the Dead. It will be available well before the last season of the show debuts. It should be a nice thirst quencher for GOT fans who are also middle managers.
CG: Speaking of leadership, you seem to have grown more powerful and confident over the seasons of the show. Some women on Twitter even said they think you’re attractive. Your look seemed to change a lot after season five.
NK: It did. Full disclosure: before season six, I had a full face job. I wasn’t happy with my face, so I got a new one. I wasn’t sure how people would react to it, but the response has been overwhelmingly positive. It’s flattering to get compliments on your appearance. When you lead the army of the dead, I guess no one feels like they have the permission to say, “Kevin, you look nice today.” I am more confident now for sure. But I’m still a little nervous about the big nude scene I’ll be in next season, to be honest.
CG: Nude scene?
NK: Yeah, in the final episode we find out that my real name isn’t just Kevin. It’s Kevin Targaryen. And then Jon Snow and Daenerys are like, well let’s both have sex with Kevin then. And then they roll the credits for the very last time while that threesome is happening. In the end, the big reveal is that George R.R. Martin is a very sick man. But if you look back, the clues were there all along.
CG: Wow, you just gave away the ending of the show.
NK: Oops … um … yeah. I shouldn’t have said that. Ooh boy. I even have a “no spoilers” clause in my contract. How about we pretend this part never happened? Let’s just make that last bit off the record.
CG: Nothing is off the record, Kevin.